What is Porn Addiction?
The criteria used to diagnose porn addiction are as follows:
- Preoccupation with pornography to the point of obsession.
- Loss of control over the use of pornography, typically evidenced by multiple failed attempts to quit or cut back.
- Directly related negative life consequences, including relationship disconnection, issues at work or in school, social and emotional isolation, depression, anxiety, diminished self-esteem, legal woes, financial struggles, poor self-care, loss of interest in previously enjoyable hobbies and activities, etc.
Like other addicts, porn addicts seek to control their emotions by “escaping” into an emotional void created by pornography. Viewing porn creates a neurochemical pleasure response (mostly dopamine and adrenaline) that temporarily distracts them from whatever in-the-moment unpleasant feelings they’re having. Over time, this numbing effect becomes their go-to coping mechanism, no matter what is going on. They have a feeling, and they automatically and without conscious thought turn to pornography to escape that feeling. In short, porn addicts repeatedly choose to “self-medicate” their emotional discomfort by numbing out and escaping with pornography.
“Not Porn” Is Still Porn
For porn addicts, “not porn” is imagery and sometimes “mind snapshots” of people who are not nude or actively engaged in sexual activity—i.e., not pornography—that are used the same way an addict uses porn. In other words, a porn addict can use “not porn” to escape into a la-la land of sexual fantasy—a “bubble” in which stress, boredom, shame, fear, and other forms of emotional discomfort disappear—just as he or she previously used actual pornography.
When that happens intentionally, such as surfing Instagram to view hot (but clothed) images, the addiction is alive and well and fully active. Sure, the addict may be in recovery with therapy and 12-step meetings and other support groups, but they are also still acting out in their addiction. It’s like an alcoholic who decides to control his problem by switching from vodka to beer. “If I stay away from the hard stuff, I’m OK, right?”
Wrong. They’re still using a form of addictive behavior to create an emotional escape. Which is what addiction is all about.
Porn-Induced Erectile Dysfunction
Male porn addicts sometimes experience sexual dysfunction related to their porn use. Typically, these addicts experience one or more of the following:
- Erectile dysfunction (ED)
- Delayed ejaculation (DE)
- Anorgasmia (the inability to reach orgasm)
Stated simply, growing numbers of physically healthy men, including men in their sexual prime, find themselves suffering from sexual dysfunction, and it appears this dysfunction is directly related to their addictive use of online pornography.
This issue is not caused by the frequency of masturbation and orgasm outside a primary relationship. Instead, the problem is linked to the fact that when a man spends the majority of his sexual life masturbating to online porn—endless images of sexy, exciting, constantly changing partners and experiences—he is, over time, likely to find his real-world partner(s) less stimulating than the visuals parading through his mind. Thus, digital pornography creates in some men an emotional and psychological disconnection that manifests physically as sexual dysfunction.
Porn Addiction and Withdrawal
Alcoholics and drug addicts, when they suddenly go “cold turkey,” can experience a variety of unpleasant withdrawal symptoms—delirium tremens (DTs), chills, fevers, insomnia, night sweats, headaches, nausea, diarrhea, tachycardia (elevated heart rate), hypertension (elevated blood pressure), depression, agitation, anxiety, hallucinations, irritability, and the like.
But what about porn use? Do porn addicts get the DTs and hallucinate the same as alcoholics and heroin addicts? Typically, no. This does not, however, mean that a sudden stoppage of porn use does not produce withdrawal. In fact, it nearly always does to some degree, typically manifesting in one or more of the following ways:
- Irritability, anxiety, agitation, depression, etc.
- A desire to “switch” to another escapist/addictive behavior.
- Loneliness and longing for connection.
For porn addicts in early recovery and healing, even the smallest annoyance can feel like a major issue. Without their go-to coping mechanism, they tend to overreact and blow up. They get angry with themselves and others, they cry, they’re afraid, they’re lonely, etc. As such, they are not always fun to be around. This is primary evidence of their (mostly emotional rather than physical) form of withdrawal.
Conversely, some porn addicts experience the opposite of withdrawal in early recovery. This is known as the honeymoon or the pink cloud. These lucky individuals find that when they embark on the path of healing, they suddenly lose all desire to use porn. They are fascinated by the insight they are developing and thrilled to have finally found a solution to their deepest problem.
This temporary phase of early recovery is great while it lasts. However, porn addicts who find themselves riding a pink cloud should be aware that their desire to use porn will return, and it may be stronger than ever when it does. If this eventuality is not anticipated and prepared for, it is easy to either relapse or think that something has gone wrong in the healing process. In reality, the addict is simply experiencing a delayed form of withdrawal.